Knowing When to Stop – Recognising Toxic Work Environments and Finding Support

The doctor said “…I want you to call your manager and tell him you’re not coming back to work this week, whilst I watch you”

I had gone to see her with a strained back. She looked at me and said “Who do you work for…ah yes… I see a lot of you people coming in like this. Crunch time for a client deliverable?… Thought so. What I want you to do before you leave this room is…”

I was consulting at the time. Busy living the glamorous life of suitcase, hotel, and business lounge. We were doing some ‘really important financial platform restructuring change management work” I had done back-to-back 14 hour days for as long as I could remember, and had put in ‘an all nighter’ to get our most recent report to the client by 9am on Monday.

In short I had made myself ill. But I had kept going, because I thought it was required. I kept going because I didn’t want to let the team down, I kept going because everyone else appeared to be doing the same. I kept going even though I KNEW it was the wrong thing.

My friends and partner at the time had told me I should slow down. But they didn’t understand how critical this was.

It took a doctor telling me to call my manager before I left her office to make sure I took the time out.

It feels crazy to retell that now. That me, of all people, could be so blind the situation I was in. Perhaps you are there too. The pressure to keep going, even when you’re struggling, is ingrained in us—especially for mid-career professionals balancing responsibility with ambition.

Maybe that is why you are reading this because you have escape fantasies, escaping pointless work that doesn’t resonate with your values, or worse is doing you actual harm.

This article is for you…

1. Why It’s Hard to See the Problem Ourselves

Stress has a sneaky way of becoming "normal." We adapt, we rationalise, and we tell ourselves, “It’s just a rough patch.” But sometimes, that rough patch is the entire road.

It’s also hard to admit there’s a problem. Culturally, we’re taught to downplay struggles—how often do we reply "I’m fine" when we’re not? For men especially, this can be deadly: 13 men die by suicide every day in the UK. Many of them likely felt they couldn’t talk about what they were going through. (Inspired by THIS and the fact that Novemeber is Mens Mental Health Month)

The truth is, recognising that something is wrong is the first step to making it right. But it’s a step we often avoid because it feels like admitting failure—or weakness.

2. The Telltale Signs You’re in a Bad Place

So how do you know when work is taking more than it gives? Here are some common red flags:

• Sunday evening dread: The weekend ends, and you’re already tense, anxious, or irritable. The earlier it starts, the bigger your problem. If it is interfering with family dinner, take note!

• Physical symptoms: Headaches, digestive issues, or feeling permanently exhausted. For me it was always nausea. But it weirdly took me a long time to make the connection. What about you?

• Relationship strain: You’re snapping at loved ones or emotionally checked out. I withdrew utterly. I would be ‘OK’ if just left alone. I wasn’t obviously

• Poor sleep: Tossing and turning over work stress, or relying on booze to wind down. Err, yeh. drinking for ‘medicinal’ reasons was a big issue.

• Loss of joy: Even the things you used to love—hobbies, time with family—feel hollow. Even out on my bike, in the sunshine. Blank.

These signs might start small, but they’re your body and mind sending you a clear message: something needs to change.

3. Why Admitting You’re Not OK Is the Hardest (and Most Important) Step

Acknowledging that you’re struggling takes courage, especially when it feels like everyone around you is managing just fine (spoiler: they’re probably not - the classic mistake of comparing your insides with their outsides!)).

Part of the challenge is that our social and professional circles often overlap. Saying “I’m not okay” can feel like an admission of failure to the very people you want to impress. And yet, admitting this to yourself—and to someone you trust—can be life-changing.

It’s not weakness to say you’re struggling. It’s strength. And it’s the first step to making things better.

Most powerful questions to ask yourself in this situation are:

• What is the worst that could happen if I told someone close to me, how bad is that really, and is it reversible.

• What are the possible upsides if I do, even if it doesn’t ‘solve’ the problem?

• What are the consequences of not taking action in this case?

4. The Answer Isn’t Just “Quit” – It’s “Quit with a Plan”

Walking away from a toxic situation is often necessary, but it’s rarely simple. Financial responsibilities, family commitments, and fear of the unknown can keep us stuck. That’s why “just quit” isn’t the answer for most people.

Instead, think about conditional quitting: creating a plan that says, “I’ll quit when X criteria are met.” Maybe it’s saving three months’ expenses, finishing a key project, or finding a new role that aligns with your values. Even having a plan in mind can give you a sense of control and hope.

Having said that, we often create false handcuffs for ourselves and are unable to make an objective and balanced decision on our best path forward.

In my case, the only way I could make sense of what was happening was to stop. Immediately. And the further away from my work I got, the more I was able to see how unable I was to have made the right decision on my own. So….

5. Finding Support to Navigate the Journey

You don’t have to face this alone. In fact, you shouldn’t. Finding the right support can make all the difference in how you manage stress and plan your next steps.

Why Support Matters
Stress and anxiety thrive in isolation. Talking to someone who understands—or just listens—can help lighten the load. It’s not about having all the answers; it’s about knowing you’re not alone.

Building Your Support System

• Trusted friends or family: Share your feelings with someone outside your work bubble who can offer a fresh perspective.

• Professional help: Therapists or coaches can provide tools to cope with stress and make a realistic plan for change.

• Workplace allies: A mentor or colleague you trust can help you navigate challenges or even advocate for you.

Overcoming Barriers to Support
It’s easy to think, “No one will understand,” or “They’ll think I’m weak.” But the truth is, everyone struggles at some point. Opening up doesn’t make you less capable—it makes you human.

Practical Ways to Seek Support

• Join communities aligned with your interests or values, like climate-focused groups.

• Attend workshops or networking events to connect with others navigating similar transitions.

• Start small: write down how you feel, and share it with one trusted person to begin the conversation.

6. Meaningless Work Is Most Often The Root Cause

I know you want to make the transition into climate and Planet-positive work. And the good news is a study published in the Journal of Occupational Health Psychology found that employees who perceive their work as meaningful experience lower levels of stress and higher job satisfaction. This sense of purpose acts as a buffer against workplace stressors, leading to improved mental health.

And of course my most gifted book Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning: revolves around the even more extreme version of this. His experiences as a Holocaust survivor led him to observe that individuals who found meaning in their suffering were more likely to endure extreme hardships, even in the dire conditions of concentration camps.

OK, the point here is that the converse is also important. The lack of meaning in your current work is compounding the suffering of the work you are doing and the environment you are in. So, breaking the cycle not only will lessen the burden but also give you more resilience. Good and better, what’s not to love.

7. Final Thoughts: You Deserve Better

Recognising that you need to stop isn’t about giving up—it’s about creating space for something better.

So ask yourself: is this work still serving me, or am I just serving it? And who can I reach out to today to help me find my way forward?

You don’t have to do this alone—and you’re stronger than you think.